The Life of a Gal

So it gets better everyday. Exercising more, smiling more. taking care of my new kitty. I love him a bunch, excepts that he has to play with everything, my hair, glasses, shirt sleeves. And he has to eat everything I eat only to be confused when he finds that he can't always eat what I eat. (Sorry to say, but it's really funny to watch a kitten try to eat crackers). And the worst is that he loves to sleep in my face and neck; and loves to crawl on my face, stick his paw up my nose, all in order to play with my hair some more before he tries to nap in it. I hope I don't kick him too much in my sleep. 

I have no room at all for my sweaters. Sorry Michelle's room, I will have to store more of my crap in there.

Reconnected an old friendship with Banana, it's fun. It's nice to have someone to hang out with. Of course, I say this in addition to hanging out with Heather once a week or so. She's super busy with school and work and life. It's nice she still makes time for me. It's nice to have someone to watch stupid movies with. 

Bought a beautiful pair of boots. Waiting to be invited someplace where I can dress up a bit and wear them

I have no idea what to buy people for Christmas. It doesn't help that I'm such a loser and I still can't drive.

Work is actually fun sometimes. Kim is hilarious and always makes me laugh. And always makes me feel better when I'm a little down, which has been often these past few months. She's looking for another job that pays more, and I'll be sad when she leaves. I get along with and like my co-workers, which makes working that horrible job bearable. it's not so much the job, I just don't feel I get paid enough for all the crap I have to do. My feet hurt every day and it's so exhausting. I bust my hump and can still barely save anything. I wish I could force all my rich, stuck-up customers to work my job for a day, then maybe they'll be nicer to me. 

I can't find the time to do all the things I want to do. How did I accomplish all these things in High School? I have to concentrate more I guess.

Finding contentment.

I never post because then I would have to admit how miserable I am. I am no where in life that I want to be. I went to Japan and failed. I feel like I wasted my time and money. I'm over 25 thousand dollars in debt because of a useless major that I failed in. It was all for nothing. And the men in my life don't help. My boyfriend left me, my hamster has cancer, and the kitten in my  bathroom may or may not have leukemia or AIDS or something which would require me to put it down anyway. I made a resolution, and created a determined mind to loose weight, feel  better about myself, and make some real changes. And just when I got started, I had to fly to Florida to see my grandparents and came back with a horrible flu that put me farther back than where I started. it's just overwhelming. When does the bad stuff stop? I"m trying to think positively. I'm trying to be happy, but it's so hard. I feel like I can never get a break.

So, I'm trying to change my life. I need something to change. I don't want to be poor forever. I don't want to be alone forever either. I want to look back on my life when I'm 70 and think about what a great adventure it all was.

I'm seriously thinking about getting my  butt to London somehow. Not now, later. Maybe somehow find a career that would allow me to work there, at least for a little while. But now I have to fix more things in my life that I don't like, like my appearance and attitude.

I need all the support I can get people. I miss all of my friends terribly. Keep in touch you guys. I appreciate it.

The whole point of this article was that I need to allow my self to just really open up and get all that ugly shit out. That's the only way I can successfully get out of this emotional hell hole I put myself in and really move on with my life and make real changes that I can be proud of. So I apologize in advance for many of the next posts being rather depressing. I'll try to insert some good memories too.

I decided to look back at this old journal and I find it is mostly about Josh. and yes, these are my memories and I will regret erasing them, but my loathing for josh has only intensified greatly this past year and I wish not to think of him. In fact, I don't even speak his name anymore, unless I need to specify. So I need more memories of Tristan, I need to actually remember to write. I've missed so much of my life. A great deal has happened this year, but I hardly remember any of it. So, that shall be something I will work on, especially after Japan.

Goddamn I'm tired. I was on the tredmill this afternoon and I wasn't paying attention so while I was lost in my thoughts, I ran somewhere between two and two and a half miles. I normally only run about a half before I stop and take a break to walk. Or power walk. But damn, I can't even walk now. Why did I want to take up running again?

Anywhos, here's my great but yet again, unproductive weekend:

Thursday was Jesse's surprise Birthday party. JJ Day II as we called it. We figured we couldn't do any better than the surprise party we threw last year so we just did another one. It was a lot of fun.

Friday I saw my mom and went shopping a bit. I needed some supplies. Friday night was the night of The Ball at the Bellevue and it was buttloads of fun. It took me forever to get ready, so we were a little late. The  drive up to Broad Street with him was so much fun though. He made the dumbest face at me and he kept making me laugh. Actually at the ball he kept making me laugh, to the point where he ruined our first slow dance together b/c he make me laugh so hard I couldn't even dance. He compared me to a woman with botox and I forgive him for it b/c it was funny....although I don't rememebr why. Anyway, I had such a great time. I was dancing with all of my friends and shamelessly hitting on Tristan all night long. He kept making me laugh, it was so fabulous.

Saturday I had to wake up against my will to meet my U Phi sisters at brunch. But it was History day so there were hundreds of people in wismer.It was insane. I practiced our dance routine for Airband until 3 with my sisters before I walked straight over to the gym to beging again my exercise routine.

Then I came home and got ready for the play "Seeing Double." Tim's party was right after the play so I dressed in party clothes. I wore a skirt and high heels even though it was cold outside, I knew I'd be hot at the party. Went to the play and got some interesting looks from people, especially when I walked in wearing my clanky shoes right when the music stopped. Anyway, the play was fabulous and hilarious. Seriously, only Ursinus would put on a comedic, musical production about the Jewish-Arab conflict in Isreal. It had a good message of course about how we're all humans and have equal rights. It was a damn good play.

Tristan and sam showed up a little after the play started, so they went to tim's party with me right after.  It was Tim's funeral and American disco party. I had a blast. Dancing with friends and plenty of people to talk to. Good times.

Afterward we played fireball, which turned into fireglove and then fire ballglove. Sam, Amy, and John were all initiated in to Team Awesome. It was cold outside but I knew Tristan was really excited to play and Sam wanted to get into team awesome. I wanted to play too, but my outfit wouldn't have let me. I was glad though that Tristan helped me up and down the hill. He heard that I fell and came running, it was cute.

Then afterwards we went to the dinner. That of course, was good times. I love sitting with my friends and just talking. It's a blast. we stayed there until 3:30 am or so But I didn't go to bed until 5.

But I still managed to make it in time for Brunch sunday afternoon. Talked to friends til 2 and proceeded to the gym. I ran for far too long and now I'm beat. I went to dinner right after and talked to friends for too long. Then talked to Katie, then farted around online, talked to Tristan, and went online some more.

So my sunday wasn't so productive. But that's ok. I doubt in my physical state that I could do anything anyway. I'll regret wasting this day tomorrow. But now I'm just too damn tired.

Let's keep this short b/c I would actually like to get some sleep today. I was stressing today so much about that damn paper I had to write for accounting that I forgot to go to more than half of my pre-departure calss. And then I nearly got hit by a car again b/c of stress (better than a mac truck). And yeah, I suck ass at Japanese, I really need to fix that, since it's my career path and all.

But yesterday I had a good day. Even though I couldn't get my paper done, Tristan came and surprise visited me. He called me to make sure I was in the room, but I didn't know that at the time, so when he hung up on me, I yelled at the phone while he was walking in the door and I felt intensly stupid. But I was happy about it.

Did what I just say make sense? No? Well ok then.

He made me really yummy stir fry while I was doing U Phi stuff and working on my paper. Then we ate together and drove around looking for desert. We ended up at the dinner drinking milkshakes and eatting a massive piece of chocolate peanut butter cake. It was a redicuously huge piece of cake. But good.

We did our usual thing. Talked, laughed, pretended to be mean to each other. I had a hard time letting him go.

And I get to see him again tomorrow at the ball. I'm looking forward to it. I get to see my Triscuit in a suit. ^_^

So I haven't updated in a while so this may be long. I"ll try to skim details. Besides, I'm tired and have to wake up in the morning. I'm only staying awake b/c I just ate and if I eat and then sleep I get nightmare.

Swear it's true.

I guess I need to mention a little something about spring break and oh...I just realized that Tristan and I finally hit the 2 month mark. Yay! Some people have been giving me crap about how attached at the hip we are despite the short amount of time we've actually been dating. It really feels like it's been longer than it has. I was talking to Tristan last night about how I can't decide if we think and act alike if it's b/c we have similar personalities or b/c we're so close that we just sync up with one another. I guess it's a bit of both. It's really an intersting sensation when you and your significant other have the exact same thoughts at the exact same time.

So ok Spring break. I went on a ski trip with Thor (pronounced "tore"), his girlfriend Liz, Tanja (tanya), and Tristan. Poor Tanja was the only non couple. I tried to pay attention to her too though, but it was really difficult. I can't really concentrate on anything else when I have a big, beautiful man so near me. We stayed in a cute little lodge called "the dog house" two hours north of Rochester. So yeah, it was damn cold, full of snow, and so much damn fun.

It was the best spring break I've ever had. I was with Tristan for five days straight and a 12 hour bus ride (to and fro) and still we're not sick of each other. I became better friends with Thor, and established a deeper trust with Liz and Tanja.

K, just so you guys know, I suck ass at skiing. But I was still better than Tristan :P He kept crashing into the trees. I had a few pretty bad wipe outs but nothing broke so it was fine. We went tubbing too on the last night, a perfect way to end the trip. We ate dinner together and watched comedy tapes together. I can go into more detail later, but it was such a great trip.

I felt badly when I agreed to do this at first. I agreed back when I still had two jobs and could afford to pay for all of this. I agreed before I started doing badly in school. And Tristan and I couldn't figure out how to get there. I thought for a while we'd have to cancel. But everyone, especially Tristan, was looking forward to us going. So Triscuit, the great guy he is, stayed up all night and found a bus that would take us there round trip really cheap. So I took that long ass bus ride up to New York with him and actually had a really good time being with him too. We only got separated once.

Anyway, I have a bit of a confesion to make, I hate skiing. I like it significantly more now b/c I had so much fun this time around. The last time I went I was 8 or 9 years old and I went with Len all those times. So he made that vacation miserable. But Liz seemed to persistant (and I give into peer pressure so easily) and Tristan seemed so excited about it that I just had to agree. When I was stressed out the day before we were supposed to leave, I nearly yelled that I didn't even want to go on the trip anymore. I'll never forget the dissapointment I heard in his voice. I don't want to hear that again.

But everything worked out ok. I don't feel like talking about this anymore.

So after recieving a C on my  accounting test and after nearly throwing up from being so nervous about the Macro test I failed today, I walked right in front of a Mac truck on my way to retrieve a drop form for Intermediate Macroeconomics. Ironig huh? My nerves are shot. I don't understand the lab that's due tomorrow, I'm too tired to read the chapter I need to understand in order to do the lab tomorrow afternoon, I have to somehow sneak out of work to talk to Dr. Clark, and finish the rest of my study abroad stuff and do my financial aid forms.

I don't have time to make myself letters. I"m the only one in my sorority that doesn't have any. Do you know how much I fucking hate that? 

Sometimes I feel like I get jipped out of everything, even though I don't deserve it. Why is everything so hard?

I'm going to go cry myself an emo river now.

I'm really stressed out from all of my school work and to cheer me up, Tristan sent me a song from They Might be Giants called "Rolly Polly Fish Heads." Have any of you heard that song? Go download it now. It is the most disturbing, disgusting, and hillarious song I've ever heared. It did and didn't cheer me up. I think I'm too shocked to decide.

So thanks Triscuit, you made me smile, even if I didn't want to.

God, what a weird song